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Post by tosh on Jul 23, 2012 9:02:01 GMT -5
Shirina,
the penny has just dropped, my comment was meant for fuzz, your post sneaked in before I posted.
lol.
I wondered why you were so tetchy. ;D
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Post by robinpa on Jul 23, 2012 10:44:40 GMT -5
Quote from robinpa: She is not someone I would call a friend since in all the time I have known her she has always been mean spirited and judgmental of others. I generally steer clear of her due to her attitude but she has a tendency to treat a couple of my friends with outright contempt and hate. Which quite often brings me into the situations because I have a strong tendency to defend my friends. She is very quick to judge them both negatively and at the same time the majority of things she will either accuse them of or look down on them for are things she herself does. Um, OK. here's the point i am at for reading your LONG post. But, based on this part, i have a feeling YOU are now going to sit in judgement of HER when you say you are not "judgemental", THOU HYPOCRITE! ;D But, i was just taking a break so i will read on and report back later. Well Fuzzy, seems like I hit a nerve with you here. I had no idea you would find my topic so intersting, but I will attempt to explain to you here. As for sitting in judgment of either of my examples, I would say I am more sitting in judgment of their behavior. But heres where the big difference is. I am not going around and acting the way they are and treating anyone who disagrees with me as less than human the way they are. I tend to give most people even you the benefit of the doubt whether I agree with them or not. They do not. But yet they both expect everyone else to give them the benefit of the doubt. A courtesy and respect they are never willing to offer but yet they demand and expect it from others. Also I generally dont treat people poorly unless they have done so to me and even then I dont throw insults at them or do much more than defend myself, or defend my friends if one of them is their target. As for gossiping, I would agree with you if I were actually mentioning these people's names or any other specifically identifying information. But I am not. Gossiping is mostly a series of lies meant as a way to insult someone and get people to not like them based on it. Eveything I have said has been 100% truthful and meant to highlight the behavior, not the people. Also I am not telling anyone not to be friends with them. That is their choice. Again I illustrated their behavior as a way to prove my own point. The biggest difference between me and these examples I have referenced besides the fact that I have compassion is that I dont spend my time insulting everyone around me who doesnt agree with me the way they do while at the same time they have done and are doing far worse things in their lives then what they are insulting others about. So thats where your gossiping and judging accusations of me fall apart Fuzzy.
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Post by robinpa on Jul 23, 2012 10:45:48 GMT -5
Quote: yeah I speak up and generally what I have to say about it isnt very pleasant. And, that makes you different from her , HOW? Because when I speak up its either in defense of myself or one of my friends being unfairly attacked. I dont lash out at people, and I dont target anyone just because I dont like them or how they live. Big difference fuzzy.
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Post by robinpa on Jul 23, 2012 10:48:26 GMT -5
Quote: This is in referrence to someone who I used to consider a friend but have since demoted her to aquaintance. You "demote" your friends when they have difficulties? She is going through a bad marriage as you said yourself. I don't "demote" my friends. A true friend is the one walking in when the rest of the world walks out. I don't dump my friends. Sometimes my friends act poorly or in ways i don't like. I try to be there to help them through. When my friends stop showing me the same respect I show them then yes they get demoted. I ask only simple things from my friends. First that they show me the same respect I show them I also ask that they be honest to me. When any of my friends fail on that and then show no effort to apologize or make up for it, then yes they get demoted. Eveyone has bad patches in their lives from time to time, that does not justify treating people around them badly.
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Post by robinpa on Jul 23, 2012 10:49:24 GMT -5
Quote from robinpa: "During this last year or so she and her hubby decided they wanted to adopt a child, but then opted to foster one. So they ended up getting a young girl to foster. This troubled me from the beginning ....." Why should it trouble YOU? What business is it of yours anyway? None. It troubled me because I worried about the girl. The child is old enough to see the trouble going on in the house and will be affected negatively by it. Already that has become apparent.
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Post by robinpa on Jul 23, 2012 10:52:39 GMT -5
Quote: "The hypocrisy in all of this is first that my former friend has always preached about how parents should parent and not try and be their child's friend and now she cant seem to work up the nerve to actually step up to the plate and be a parent.."" First, you obviously don't think much of your relationship with friends to dump then from your friend list whenever they don't live according to your standards. Second, people under stress in bad relationships often have changes in their personality, moods, whatever as they are trying to find a way to live with such conflict. And, making bad decisions sometimes is part of that. Bringing in a foster child may have been ill advised but she may have been doing so out of a desperate need to save her marriage, feel loved or whatever. No matter, you certainly don't have much empathy for your friend. And as for life, there have been times in my life where "i knew how something should be handled", aka parenting and then had my foot in my mouth after i had my own kids. Sounds simple to you but you are not in their shoes. My "standards" as you put it are simple. Treat me with the same respect and compassion I treat them and be honest to me. Thats not tough standards to live up to, and they are also christian standards. "Desperate to save their marriage" is a scary reason to bring a child into the family, in my opinion. I say save the marriage first, then bring the child in when the marriage is stable, otherwise say hello to disaster. Which is what is happening to my former friend now. ETA: I also never said I knew more about parenting than she. I just understood the strain and stress of suddenly becomging a parent to aan older child not biologically your own. Also when I became a parent I wasnt trying to be my step daughter's friends I was trying to be their parent. Very big difference in my approach as it relates to hers. Do I consider myself an expert? No absolutely not, no one is an expert on parenting in my opinion.
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Post by robinpa on Jul 23, 2012 10:55:00 GMT -5
Quote from robinpa: " the hypocrisy here is that instead of focusing on her own life and doing what she has to do to try and put her own house in order, she is now becoming more and more involved in what everyone else has got going on their lives. Lately she has been very vocal to other people around her about how they should live and how they should do things ...." Um, reread the above several times, and um, apply it to yourself. LMAO, apply this to myself. Well my house has and is in order fuzzy, and I am not being involved my former friends life. In fact quite the opposite I dont talk to her and I dont get involved in her issues anymore. She used to ask my advice but since her radical change in personality, whenever she asks me I tell her simply I cannot help her. If my former friend would have done what I did and gotten a handle on her own life's issues rather than focusing on other people she would be better off. SO sorry fuzzy, you got that one completely wrong. ;D
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Post by starlight07 on Jul 23, 2012 10:56:34 GMT -5
I cannot stand hypocrisy. It smells of foul crap.
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Post by robinpa on Jul 23, 2012 10:59:00 GMT -5
Uhm, Fuzzy, you're missing one crucial detail in your many posts. Robinpa is not going to these people and demanding that they modify their behavior. Therein is where the real hypocrisy lies. I've seen your argument before and it makes no sense. It would be like saying a murderer has no right to stop another murderer from killing someone because the murderer would be a hypocrite if he did so. I mean, we could pursue this point round and round like a dog chasing his tail. So robinpa's friend is a hypocrite, making robinpa a hypocrite for pointing out her hypocrisy and now you're being a hypocrite for pointing out robinpa's hypocrisy for pointing out his friend's hypocrisy ... and on it goes ad infinitum. And where is the dividing line between a statement of fact and gossip? Well, what I see robinpa doing is simply stating the facts as he perceives them, not gossiping. Gossip has a self-centered motive; it is a method of seizing control of a conversation so that all attention is focused on you. Knowing something that others do not is power, and gossip is a way to exercise that power. In addition, gossip almost never has any context. Unlike robinpa's examples, which are couched in the larger issue regarding hypocrisy in general, gossip is just blurted information that has no purpose aside from simply "knowing." It would be as though I came up to and said, for no apparent reason, "Did you know that Mark Twain trimmed his mustache with a butcher knife? Yep, it's true." Gossip is banal and trivial whereas using examples in a broader context is not, and that is why robinpa's first post is not an example of hypocrisy or gossip. Very well put Shirina. You are 100% correct. Also and I think fuzzy has some how missed this simple poin t in my post I have said that I am not perfect, nor do I pretend to be. The 2 people I referenced not only think and say they are perfect, they wouldnt admit to any of their faults even if it meant saving their lives. I have always been the first to admit my faults. Also very good explaining about my over all point. Fuzzy seems to be of the mindset that I was trying to attack the people I referenced. When I was commenting on out of control hypocrisy. As I said though Shirina, very well put. I thik as I said I touched off a nerve with Fuzzy.
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Post by robinpa on Jul 23, 2012 11:14:42 GMT -5
I suppose if you're used to reading little more than the sides of cereal boxes, robinpa's post was long. If lots of words scare you off, perhaps robinpa could sketch a crayon drawing instead? I can try, but I always end up coloring outside the lines. Sadly I never had much artisitic talent in that respect. Give some time though I will see what I can come up with. ;D ;D
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Post by robinpa on Jul 23, 2012 11:16:25 GMT -5
Greg, One of my relatives died for you at the Alamo, I am Scottish, you owe me one. Crap does that mean I owe you one too?? ;D
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Post by tosh on Jul 23, 2012 11:46:17 GMT -5
You aint seen nothing yet, fuzzy only reads what the voice in her head tells her.
They say Jesus was illiterate, it explains a lot.
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Post by robinpa on Jul 23, 2012 11:52:16 GMT -5
You aint seen nothing yet, fuzzy only reads what the voice in her head tells her. They say Jesus was illiterate, it explains a lot. LOL ;D
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Post by Shirina on Jul 23, 2012 14:20:29 GMT -5
Tosh, Tosh ... tsk tsk. I just wanted to seize a rare moment to pick on you just a wee bit. I just couldn't help my self. ;D
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Post by Forever Sunshine on Jul 23, 2012 14:22:38 GMT -5
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Post by tosh on Jul 23, 2012 14:25:53 GMT -5
I will never call you a YPD again....maybe.
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Post by robinpa on Jul 23, 2012 15:01:58 GMT -5
I kind of like the YPD term,( yankee pig dog I think is what tosh said it meant) there must be something wrong with me. Aside from all my other faults that is.
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Post by fuzzyems on Jul 23, 2012 18:42:17 GMT -5
Just having a bit of fun with ya rob!
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Post by fuzzyems on Jul 23, 2012 18:42:45 GMT -5
Tosh, Tosh ... tsk tsk. I just wanted to seize a rare moment to pick on you just a wee bit. I just couldn't help my self. ;D You go girlfriend!!
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Post by robinpa on Jul 23, 2012 18:46:54 GMT -5
Just having a bit of fun with ya rob! Lol sure haze the new guy. Is this the part where I get paddled, cause I might like that, as long as a woman is doing it. ;D
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