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Post by skysmom on Aug 7, 2011 12:51:17 GMT -5
Today's thought from Hazelden is:
Help is available - we don't have to go it alone.
Together we can do it - we can recover. Disorders are habits of loneliness and isolation. To get well we need help, and that help is always available.
Those of us who belong to a Twelve Step support group have a list of phone numbers. We know we can call people who will be there for us. We go to meetings and share. We find that other people have similar problems, and we stop feeling lonely and isolated.
Some of us are in therapy, some of us have strong family support systems, and some of us have friends and colleagues we can talk to when the going gets rough.
We can get help through our spiritual center. We may define it in various ways, but when we become aware of this center, we have an ever-present source of support.
I will spend some quiet time today paying attention to the help that comes from my spiritual center.
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Post by roygrip on Aug 7, 2011 14:25:19 GMT -5
Hi Starlight!! Thanks & you're welcome also!!
Please don't take it that I'm implying that you're in the same boat that Roy and I were with our addictions. I do understand that your issue is different but what I was trying to relay is that regardless of the nature of one's problem or issue, the 12 steps are a pretty simple guide to an easier way of living that brings genuine, lasting peace & serenity. Also, any issue is easier to deal with when you have the help & support of others with a similiar issue or problem.
If you do have any question though, I know I can speak for Roy as well as myself that we are always happy to answer or help others in any way we can.
Ditto, that Starlight, we're not implying anything, we're just offering help with answers or directions, and the 12 step philosophy can be applied to so much that ails people in everyday life, not just us addicts/alcoholics.
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Post by skysmom on Aug 7, 2011 21:26:35 GMT -5
Pebbles I was still struggling with emotional insecurity, and it seemed to me that no matter what was happening in my life, it was an insurmountable mountain. Thank God for my sponsor, because he told me quite clearly: "No one ever tripped over a mountain -- but they sure could slip and fall on a pebble." There it was, right in front of me. Could this really be me -- big, proud, arrogant Tony who thought that every time he had a problem it was a damn big one? After that, I decided, hey, wait a minute -- I had better start looking at my "little pebbles" and clear them up one day at a time. I did just that, slowly but surely, and finally one day, my mountain was gone. Over the years tiny pebbles started coming back again, but I swept them away a little at a time. -AA Grapevine Archive, May, 1999
Thought to Ponder . . . The peaks and valleys of my life have become gentle rolling hills.
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Post by skysmom on Aug 7, 2011 21:35:36 GMT -5
A.A. Thoughts For The Day
Tolerance "Honesty with ourselves and others gets us sober, but it is tolerance that keeps us that way. Experience shows that few alcoholics will long stay away from a group because they don't like the way it is run. Most return and adjust themselves to whatever conditions they must. Some go to a different group, or form a new one. In other words, once an alcoholic fully realizes that he cannot get well alone, he will somehow find a way to get well and stay well in the company of others. It has been that way from the beginning of AA and probably always will be so." Bill W., Letter, 1943
Thought to Consider . . . What does it benefit me to not like another human being?
Conviction From "How It Works": "We reviewed our fears thoroughly. We put them on paper, even though we had no resentment in connection with them. We asked ourselves why we had them. Wasn't it because self-reliance had failed us? Self-reliance was good as far as it went, but it didn't go far enough. . . .
"Perhaps there is a better way -- we think so. For we are now on a different basis; the basis of trusting and relying upon God. We trust infinite God rather than our finite selves." Alcoholics Anonymous, pg. 68
Daily Reflections A "DESIGN FOR LIVING" We in our turn, sought the same escape with all the desperation of drowning men. What seemed at first a flimsy reed, has proved to be the loving and powerful hand of God. A new life has been given us or, if you prefer, "a design for living" that really works. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 28
I try each day to raise my heart and hands in thanks to God for showing me a "design for living" that really works through our beautiful Fellowship. But what, exactly, is this "design for living" that "really works"? For me, it is the practice of the Twelve Steps to the best of my ability, the continued awareness of a God who loves me unconditionally, and the hope that, in each new day, there is a purpose for my being. I am truly, truly blessed in the Fellowship.
As Bill Sees It Willing to Believe Do not let any prejudice you may have against spiritual terms deter you from honestly asking yourself what they might mean to you. At the start, this was all we needed to commence spiritual growth, to effect our first conscious relation with God as we understood Him. Afterward, we found ourselves accepting many things which had seemed entirely out of reach. That was growth. But if we wished to grow we had to begin somewhere. So at first we used our own conceptions of God, however limited they were. We needed to ask ourselves but one short question: "Do I now believe, or am I even willing to believe, that there is a Power greater than myself?'' As soon as a man can say that he does believe, even in this small degree, or is willing to believe, we emphatically assure him that he is on his way.
Big Book Quote "Let no alcoholic say he cannot recover unless he has his family back. This just isn't so. In some cases the wife will never come back for one reason or another. Remind the prospect that his recovery is not dependent upon people. It is dependent upon his relationship with God. We have seen men get well whose families have not returned at all. We have seen others slip when the family came back too soon."
A.A. Thought for the Day We in A.A. are offering an intangible thing, a psychological and spiritual program. Its a wonderful program. When we learn to turn to a Higher Power, with faith that that Power can give us the strength we need, we find peace of mind. When we reeducate our minds by learning to think differently, we find new interests that make life worthwhile. We who have achieved sobriety through faith in God and mental reeducation are modem miracles. it is the function of our A.A. program to produce modem miracles. Do I consider the change in my life a modern miracle?
Meditation for the Day You should never doubt that God's spirit is always with you, wherever you are, to keep you on the right path. God's keeping power is never at fault, only your realization of it. You must try to believe in God's nearness and availability of His grace. It is not a question of whether God can provide a shelter from the storm, but of whether or not you seek the security of that shelter. Every fear, worry, or doubt is disloyalty to God. You must endeavor to trust God wholly. Practice saying: "All is going to be well." Say it to yourself until you feel it deeply.
Prayer for the Day I pray that I may feel deeply that all is well. I pray that nothing will be able to move me from that deep conviction.
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Post by roygrip on Aug 8, 2011 6:38:03 GMT -5
Cool, I remember "Pebbles"
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Post by skysmom on Aug 8, 2011 15:01:54 GMT -5
Today's thought from Hazelden is:
Fame is what you have taken. Character is what you give. When to this truth you waken, then you begin to live. --Bayard Taylor
Long-timers continually tell newcomers to strive to build a strong character for use in facing the world's realities. Sometimes they leave the impression that character is what others think about us. But the opinion others have about us is not important. Character is what we are, not what others think we are.
We are not born with character. It is developed through patience and much humility. It is what we are in the dark. Our character is revealed by an outer show of an inner glow. It is our reserve force for living. It is more useful than talent and shows itself best during our contact with others.
Today, I'll remember my character can be a force that respects truth, develops will and spirit, accents positive action, and makes all of these assets evident to other people.
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Post by skysmom on Aug 8, 2011 18:48:04 GMT -5
Wisdom of the Rooms ~ Quote of the Week
"Live life today as though you knew you were dying."
We've all heard sayings like this before, and for many years my reaction was, "Yeah but it's not my last day and the rent is due at the end of the month, and my relationship isn't getting better, and blah, blah, blah." As the many worries of the future consumed me, the precious days and years passed by without me, and now, at 13 years of sobriety, I wonder where the time went.
I remember when I got 30 days an old timer with 24 years shook my hand and congratulated me. I said, "Gee, I wish I had 24 years," and I'll never forget what he said. "I'll trade you my 24 years, right now, for your 30 days!" It took me many years to see the wisdom in this - it's about the journey, not the destination.
These days, I'm very aware of the gift of another day alive and sober. I've seen a lot of people go out or even die, and today I live from a place of supreme gratitude. Life is precious, beautiful and filled with opportunities to help people and make a real difference. I appreciate my life today, and I'm grateful that I'm present enough to enjoy it.
Today I live life as though I was dying, and I'm fully alive because of it.
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Post by skysmom on Aug 8, 2011 21:20:58 GMT -5
On this date in 1879, Robert Holbrook Smith was born in St. Johnsbury, VT. Happy Birthday, Dr. Bob. And thanks!!
A.A. Thoughts For The Day Growth "Regardless of worldly success or failure, regardless of pain or joy, regardless of sickness or health or even of death itself, a new life of endless possibilities can be lived if we are willing to continue our awakening, through the practice of AA's Twelve Steps."
Thought to Consider . . . AA is not something you join, it's a way of life.
Criticize Neither From: "Word of Mouth" In my view, there isn't the slightest objection to groups who wish to remain strictly anonymous, or to people who think they would not like their membership in A.A. known at all. That is their business, and this is a very natural reaction
However, most people find that anonymity to this degree is not necessary, or even desirable. Once one is fairly sober, and sure of this, there seems no reason for failing to talk about A.A. membership in the right places. This has a tendency to bring in other people. Word of mouth is one of our most important communications.
So we should criticize neither the people who wish to remain silent, nor even the people who wish to talk too much about belonging to A.A., provided they do not do so at the public level and thus compromise our whole Society
Daily Reflections "MADE A LIST. . ." Made a list of all persons we had harmed,. . .
When I approached the Eighth Step, I wondered how I could list all the things that I have done to other people since there were so many people, and some of them weren't alive anymore. Some of the hurts I inflicted weren't bad, but they really bothered me. The main thing to see in this Step was to become willing to do whatever I had to do to make these amends to the best of my ability at that particular time. Where there is a will, there's a way, so if I want to feel better, I need to unload the guilt feelings I have. A peaceful mind has no room for feelings of guilt. With the help of my Higher Power, if I am honest with myself, I can cleanse my mind of these feelings.
As Bill Sees It In Partnership As we made spiritual progress, it became clear that, if we ever were to feel emotionally secure, we would have to put our lives on a give-and-take basis; we would have to develop the sense of being in partnership or brotherhood with all those around us. We saw that we would need to give constantly of ourselves without demand for repayment. When we persistently did this, we gradually found that people were attracted to us as never before. And even if they failed us, we could be understanding and not too seriously affected.
The unity, the effectiveness, and even the survival A.A. will always depend upon our continued willingness to give up some of our personal ambitions and desires for the common safety and welfare. Just as sacrifice means survival for the individual alcoholic, so does sacrifice mean unity and survival for the group and for A.A.'s entire Fellowship.
Big Book Quote "'There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance that principle is contempt prior to investigation.'"
A.A. Thought for the Day For a while, we are going back to the Big Book, Alcoholics Anonymous, and pick out passages here and there, so that they may become fixed in our minds, a little at a time, day by day, as we go along. There is no substitute for reading the Big Book. It is our "bible." We should study it thoroughly and make it a part of ourselves. We should not try to change any of it. Within its covers is the full exposition of the A.A. program. There is no substitute for it. We should study it often. Have I studied the Big Book faithfully?
Meditation for the Day All of life is a fluctuation between effort and rest. You need both every day. But effort is not truly effective until first you have had the proper preparation for it, by resting in a time of quiet meditation. This daily time of rest and meditation gives you the power necessary to make your best effort. There are days when you are called on for much effort and then comes a time when you need much rest. It is not good to rest too long and it is not good to carry on great effort too long without rest. The successful life is a proper balance between the two.
Prayer for the Day I pray that I may be ready to make the proper effort. I pray that I may also recognize the need for relaxation.
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Post by skysmom on Aug 9, 2011 8:48:10 GMT -5
Compulsion It is the first drink which triggers, immediately or some time later, the compulsion to drink more and more until we are in trouble again. Many of us have come to believe that our alcoholism is an addiction to the drug alcohol; like addicts of any sort who want to maintain recovery, we have to keep away from the first dose of the drug we have become addicted to. Our experience seems to prove this. -Living Sober, p. 5
Thought to Ponder . . . If I don't drink today, I have the hope of a tomorrow.
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Post by skysmom on Aug 9, 2011 22:33:52 GMT -5
Choice The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so-called willpower becomes practically nonexistent. - Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 24
Thought to Ponder . . . Just for today, I choose not to drink.
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Post by susala on Aug 10, 2011 5:06:22 GMT -5
So, roy, I have a friend who's been making faint attempts to recover from alcohol addiction for almost two years. It's really impacting our relationship. I asked to speak to her and she put me off for about ten days. Instead, I wrote her a letter, a sort of an "intervention" letter about how her behavior is affecting our friendship. I was careful to talk about her behavior and not her as a person but I was very honest.
That was ten days ago and I haven't heard from her. Do you think that she'll ever get over being mad at me?
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Post by roygrip on Aug 10, 2011 7:20:14 GMT -5
So, roy, I have a friend who's been making faint attempts to recover from alcohol addiction for almost two years. It's really impacting our relationship. I asked to speak to her and she put me off for about ten days. Instead, I wrote her a letter, a sort of an "intervention" letter about how her behavior is affecting our friendship. I was careful to talk about her behavior and not her as a person but I was very honest.
That was ten days ago and I haven't heard from her. Do you think that she'll ever get over being mad at me?
Oh Susala, I'm so sorry. It's a tough one, I'm going through it myself, my wife and I are both sober through this program and my sister in law is still out there, calls at 3am incoherent, the anger, etc. (Not all drinkers are the same mind you) The problem is that as addicts and alcoholics actively using/drinking, we're very selfcenterd. It was all about me, poor me, what did you do to me. Never allowing myself to see or take responsibility for my own actions. You did the right thing, and I know you care, that's what good friends do. Friends around me did the same. She probably experiences the poor me's and the "how dare you". Hopefully in moments of not drinking, she feels remorse (then we start the cycle all over) The sad part is until the using drinker, has that "moment of clarity" on their own and reaches out for help, it's that old addage, "You can lead a horse to water...." Addictions are the symptom, of something going on inside of us that we use these "drugs" (outside stimulus) to mask. In my case, one of the roots was low self esteem, started way back as a kid (no apparent reason) At first alcohol and drugs, empowered me, later it consumed me (they stopped making me feel hip, slick, and cool). So! Maybe you want to let her know (again) your her friend and it comes from your heart, because your concerned and care. Your there to help. Only talk to her when's she's sober, you can't reason with someone drinking. But sadly the choice will be hers. She has not a clue YET, as to whom she's hurting or has hurt. Good luck, Susala, you can always PM me, I can send you no's of agencies, etc. For your own knowledge, you might try the Al-Anon group, they have meetings and information on how to deal with friends and family with addiction issues. You can find them online or in your local phone book. Since, she's made faint attempt's, she knows, maybe, offer to go with her to AA meetings? Good luck, and know you did the right thing. Please let us know. Peace.
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Post by roygrip on Aug 10, 2011 8:10:05 GMT -5
Also, I'm not asking for any sympathy. But to us in recovery, and to those looking at someone struggling. Getting clean/sober is the single most hardest thing I ever did, in my life. It's not easy, which is why programs fail, it's not that the program fails, it's that the addiction is so strong, it's hard to break the clutches. One of the questions asked of the newly (first few days sober) person is What are you willing to change about yourself? The correct answer is everything! That in itself doesnot mean you have to, it means willing to. The rationale is that up to this point, your choices (the alcoholic/addicts) got you here, so! Not great choices! Most of us live for other people, we're not our "trueselves", or we're trying to b e something we're not, or a face for every situation. So we learn to figure out who we are and be that person. We find the drugs/drink, is the symptom, and that we the alcoholi/addict are the problem, meaning in addiction, our view of the world and our reaction to that world is skewed. We changed perception and reality (escape it) by getting high/drunk. It's tough, which is why people, not the program fails. The programs out there work, providing the alcoholic, addict does the work.
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Post by skysmom on Aug 10, 2011 8:45:31 GMT -5
Susala, I'm so sorry about your friend, you did the right thing by reaching out to your friend and addressing the problem!! I concur completely with Roy...alcoholism is cunning, baffling & powerful. The only thing I could add is, wondering, are their others...friends, relatives, etc... who would maybe join you in an intervention...sometimes such an interaction helps the person to realize the impact their addiction is having on the people in their lives...brings the reality to the forefront where it's very hard to remain in denial. Just something to think about if there are others who'd be willing to participate.
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Post by skysmom on Aug 10, 2011 8:46:11 GMT -5
Today's thought from Hazelden is:
Self-pity in its early stages is as snug as a feather mattress. Only when it hardens does it become uncomfortable. -Maya Angelou
Some days we grasp at self-pity like a blanket on a cold night, and we are momentarily comforted. However, extended periods of self-pity will undermine our primary purpose, which is to be at peace with ourselves and others so that we may know freedom from our addictions. Thus our self-pity prevents us from carrying a message of hope to fellow sufferers, that they too can find release from their suffering through the Twelve Steps.
Staying clean and sober are gifts available to all of us when we cultivate gratitude. We can be grateful for this program that has brought manageability and serenity to our life, and that leaves us little room for self-pity, anger, or impatience. Our mind will be willing and open to receive God's guidance and support when we let go of our self-pity.
Today I will stay free of self-pity so I can receive God's strength.
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Post by susala on Aug 10, 2011 18:40:10 GMT -5
Thanks, roy and skysmom. I really hadn't thought about contacting her again until she replied but I will. I figured that she would be angry and I was waiting for her to calm down some. I had thought of asking her sister and her other friend on whom she's very dependent to also tell her how she's impacting their relationships. I know her sister a little (we're on some committees together at church) but I don't know her friend very well at all. I have no idea how either of them will respond to the request but I think that I will ask anyway.
She goes to AA occasionally, sees different psychiatrists and talk therapists but she, imo, is resisting building an ongoing relationship with anyone who will expect her to actually confront her issues. She also doesn't take her medication regularly and has never called anyone to help her not to drink. She's really not in touch with her feelings at all. As soon as she gets out of the hospital, she tells me that she feels "Great!" and then she starts binge drinking a week or two later.
I do appreciate your taking the time to answer my questions and for the advice. I'll let you know how it goes. Good luck with your continued recovery.
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Post by skysmom on Aug 11, 2011 6:41:54 GMT -5
Susala, everything you say about your friend and her behavior is actually very typical of an alcoholic/addict in denial. She may or may not contact you on her own. Please don't take it personal and do contact her and confirm you wrote the letter because you care...trust me, deep down she knows that. But, a forewarning...Roy can confirm this fact also...don't feel bad if your effort garners no results, rarely can someone get through to an active alcoholic/addict who hasn't been where he/she is because he/she's first & best defense will be, "you don't know or understand what it's like." If you do reach out to her relatives or other friends to join in an effort to help her, you may want to inquire if there's someone else in recovery who can help guide you...someone with experience in addiction & recovery will almost always get better results because they understand the addictive mind and the nature of the disease...and the addict/alcoholic can't throw the "you don't know or understand what it's like" at them. Someone who's been there can relate and talk to her on an entirely different level. I'll keep your friend in my prayers, I hope she finds her way into recovery...it will be an amazing journey if she does. God Bless YOU for caring enough to want to help her...I hope she realizes what a true friend she has in you!
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Post by roygrip on Aug 11, 2011 7:08:18 GMT -5
Thanks, roy and skysmom. I really hadn't thought about contacting her again until she replied but I will. I figured that she would be angry and I was waiting for her to calm down some. I had thought of asking her sister and her other friend on whom she's very dependent to also tell her how she's impacting their relationships. I know her sister a little (we're on some committees together at church) but I don't know her friend very well at all. I have no idea how either of them will respond to the request but I think that I will ask anyway.
She goes to AA occasionally, sees different psychiatrists and talk therapists but she, imo, is resisting building an ongoing relationship with anyone who will expect her to actually confront her issues. She also doesn't take her medication regularly and has never called anyone to help her not to drink. She's really not in touch with her feelings at all. As soon as she gets out of the hospital, she tells me that she feels "Great!" and then she starts binge drinking a week or two later.
I do appreciate your taking the time to answer my questions and for the advice. I'll let you know how it goes. Good luck with your continued recovery.
Susala, I again concur with Sky, I might add a couple of things. Since your all involved with your church (a wonderful thing) Could you possibly talk to her through your pastor? Anotherwords as a concerted effort between the family (her sister) and the friends? It's a thought. The key point is she may just continue this outwardly denial. It's what we do (alcoholics) As Sky says, inside we know, which is that spark, you (we) hope to ignite. You and your friend are in our prayers. Seriously consider contacting Al Anon, as they can offer even more suggestions.
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Post by skysmom on Aug 11, 2011 7:41:08 GMT -5
ROY!
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Post by skysmom on Aug 11, 2011 7:42:12 GMT -5
Today's thought from Hazelden is:
The creative thinker is flexible and adaptable and prepared to rearrange his thinking. -A.J. Cropley
Newcomer I'm in a crisis. I got myself into it -- there's no one else to blame. I'm not sure what I'm going to do about it yet; I'm going back and forth over the alternatives. I can't think about anything else right now.
Sponsor Your word "alternatives" is a helpful one. In most situations, we have more options to choose from than we can see at first. There usually is a "Plan B" if we're willing to open ourselves to it.
When I was active in my addiction - and for a period of time in recovery as well - I frequently found myself in the middle of a crisis. The sense of always being in crisis comes from a refusal to see that we have choices. For example, we may leave on time for an appointment but find ourselves in a traffic jam cause by an accident. If lateness is the inevitable result, we can choose to punish ourselves with whatever lateness represents to us, or we can say to ourselves, "I guess the schedule I had in mind for today has been changed; I may as well accept it." Without the additional burden of self-punishment, we can see things in perspective. Whatever happens, we don't pick up our addictive substance or behavior. We can turn to our Higher Power in prayer and meditation to help us regain a sense of balance.
Today, I'm open to choosing among alternatives as I substitute the word "situation" for the word "problem."
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