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Post by isa on Dec 26, 2011 16:33:08 GMT -5
Hello Shirina, I still have difficulty agreeing with this. Love isn't inherently possessive; it takes the addition of egotism, insecurity, attachment etc. to make it so. One might suggest that there is a point at which love becomes so burdened with these things that it ceases to be love.
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Post by starlight07 on Dec 26, 2011 17:17:28 GMT -5
Love is an emotion. IMO, jealousy is far more destructive than love.
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Post by Spellbound454 on Dec 26, 2011 18:01:01 GMT -5
Yes she should ideally....unless there is something going on between them that you do not know about.
........but if forced to choose......well
I could never understand why a friend of mine whisked her husband away home early... every time we had a party.
We all thought she was a possessive control freak. .....Turns out unknown to any of us, he was a recovering alcoholic who eventually fell off the wagon and died.
She was only trying to keep her interests and those of her children protected.
Why would she have told us? What went on between them was private.
Those women who seem a bit possessive...may be one of the wives of someone who has already had an indiscretion.
The point is.....Its easy to look at someone else's marriage and make judgements.....but we aren't party to all the details.
Yes...between the married couple.
Most infidelities are just opportunist.
Yes there has to be a certain amount of trust between partners but if a partner is behaving as though he doesn't have any commitments.... it may cause a deal of worry to the one left at home.
Yes no-one wants to be married to a control freak. It strangles the life out of any feelings between the couple.
So where do you draw the line between what is a normal concern for the marriage.....and what isnt?
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moxie
Not so new Crapster
SF Shades of Blues
Posts: 205
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Post by moxie on Dec 26, 2011 18:12:57 GMT -5
"No problem! I rented an 8ft dinghy with a 4hp outboard....... It'll be fun" Fun...ya mean like Natalie Wagner thought it was gonna be "fun" when she went boating off of Catalina with Robert Wagner and Christopher Walken???  I'll pass...  |
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Post by isa on Dec 26, 2011 18:20:19 GMT -5
Well, I was actually talking about love, my dearest Spellbound, which of course isn’t the same thing as marriage, however perhaps similar will apply. I would think that the line is at the point at which possessiveness et al become damaging to the relationship or the people involved. Perhaps there is a special name for those people who have phobias - irrational fears - which cause them, tragically, to do more harm to a relationship than what might have otherwise occurred; a self-fulfilling sort of fear.
I haven’t converted to the Jedi Church as of yet but there are one or two lines from Star Wars that have stayed with me. On the fear of loss - ‘Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose‘... is very good advice.
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Post by Spellbound454 on Dec 26, 2011 18:48:54 GMT -5
hhmmm....Fear is a great motivator and an important emotion. It could even be the reason we fight to survive in the first place....and the shaping of many of our behaviours. Its not good to be too comfortable in a relationship I wouldn't have thought....Keep the love fresh and alive. However, It can be paralysing and destructive....So perhaps just a bit...but not to much is the ideal scenario....  Dunno...I'm just making this bit up. ;D |
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Post by isa on Dec 26, 2011 19:14:56 GMT -5
Hmmmm… yes I think you’re right, but the fear of loss, here, is precipitated by an irrational sense of ownership and/or a lack of self-esteem. The idea, where possible, is to control it rather than it control you. If fear controls you then it is likely to be a great motivator of unwise behaviour methinks.
;D Nice, that’s all anyone does.
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Post by roygrip on Dec 26, 2011 19:48:25 GMT -5
"No problem! I rented an 8ft dinghy with a 4hp outboard....... It'll be fun" Fun...ya mean like Natalie Wagner thought it was gonna be "fun" when she went boating off of Catalina with Robert Wagner and Christopher Walken??? I'll pass...
LOL! 'cept I won't be drinkin'  |
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Post by Forever Sunshine on Dec 26, 2011 19:57:44 GMT -5
But, she will be!  |
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moxie
Not so new Crapster
SF Shades of Blues
Posts: 205
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Post by moxie on Dec 26, 2011 20:45:56 GMT -5
But, she will be!
LOL I was gonna say that!! ;D
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moxie
Not so new Crapster
SF Shades of Blues
Posts: 205
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Post by moxie on Dec 26, 2011 20:48:27 GMT -5
So Roy...did you get your wife something for Christmas or just put coal in her stocking?  |
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moxie
Not so new Crapster
SF Shades of Blues
Posts: 205
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Post by moxie on Dec 26, 2011 20:49:21 GMT -5
Christopher Walken??? ^Scary ODD...that one! |
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Post by daphne87 on Dec 27, 2011 7:29:03 GMT -5
Apparently my DH still loves me -- he wrote me a sweet letter and wrapped up my engagement ring for Christmas (I haven't worn it in years....) Aww. So sweet!  |
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Post by shirina on Dec 27, 2011 10:50:08 GMT -5
Speaking of Star Wars quotes, another particularly apt one for this topic comes from the original movie, said by Princess Leia:
"The more you tighten your grip, Tarkin, the more star systems will slip through your fingers."
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Post by shirina on Dec 27, 2011 11:06:23 GMT -5
Choose between what? Keeping her or losing her? If wanting to spend an evening with friends once every six months is grounds for a divorce, then perhaps he should get the drop on her and get those papers ready before she gets the chance.
We were all pretty young, Spellbound, no one above the age of 25, and I've been friends with all of the "victims" years before they got involved with these whipmistresses. Because of that, I know beyond doubt that the possessiveness and jealous nonsense began from the outset. In my experiences (all of them), it was a simple case of being too emotionally needy mixed in with massive doses of separation anxiety. It had nothing to do with past indiscretions unless my friends cheated on their girlfriends 3 days after they started dating.
I would think a husband putting his foot down on his wife's manipulations would count as being between the married couple.
Well, let's back up here a moment. We're getting too bogged down in infidelity when, in fact, that is only one facet of the problem. I've known a lot of women who couldn't spend any time with me, as well, and that certainly had nothing to do with a fear of infidelity. Nor am I the type to go out boozing and encouraging my married female friend to cheat - which their husbands very well know. Some of this nonsense simply comes from possessiveness and nothing more.
Normal concern comes with evidence for a reason to be concerned. Groundless fears based on statistics or paranoia is not "normal" concern.
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moxie
Not so new Crapster
SF Shades of Blues
Posts: 205
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Post by moxie on Dec 27, 2011 11:21:07 GMT -5
Apparently my DH still loves me -- he wrote me a sweet letter and wrapped up my engagement ring for Christmas (I haven't worn it in years....) Aww. So sweet! ^That IS very sweet. |
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Post by roygrip on Dec 27, 2011 14:05:48 GMT -5
So Roy...did you get your wife something for Christmas or just put coal in her stocking?
I put her in her stocking...... COAL IS EXPENSIVE!!!!
We had a nice Christmas. A discussion prior to Christmas about her negativity seems to be working for the time (or she just wanted her presents  ) |
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Post by roygrip on Dec 27, 2011 14:06:40 GMT -5
Apparently my DH still loves me -- he wrote me a sweet letter and wrapped up my engagement ring for Christmas (I haven't worn it in years....) Aww. So sweet!
nice! |
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moxie
Not so new Crapster
SF Shades of Blues
Posts: 205
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Post by moxie on Dec 27, 2011 15:54:14 GMT -5
"A discussion prior to Christmas about her negativity seems to be working for the time (or she just wanted her presents )" Well done! *P.S. If I don't get my black Avalanche by Valentine's Day, I'll be givin' you a call!! ;D LOL |
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Post by pilgrim47 on Dec 27, 2011 15:57:55 GMT -5
I've still got one of the older ones with cladding setting out back... Are you wanting one of those little girl ones without the cladding?
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Crap, the Name Escapes Me 
