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Post by roygrip on Jan 20, 2012 23:28:38 GMT -5
Hi all. Thank you. Things are quiet, but never a resolution. Very frustrating. Add to that, her own depression over being unable to sell her handmade quilts in this economy, thus no job. Both of us are head strong Leo's. I just wish we talked these crazy disagreements out. She refuses, says it's my fault. My fault is that I didn't stand up for the issue of resolution, long ago. I always just let it go. Now I'm paying the price.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 21, 2012 1:02:57 GMT -5
roy - Things can get better. It took us YEARS to finally stop butting heads, blaming each and really come together. Sometimes life just seems to take over. And, it will take 2 people who finally come to realize that we are all that we have and to chill and learn to appreciate the good points. It sounds like you are willing but she hasnt' come to that place yet. But, you can only control you. I really suggest that you do counseling and bring in outside opinion because it is hard to be objective and make changes. And it can be 2 steps foward, one step back.
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Post by roygrip on Jan 21, 2012 8:32:00 GMT -5
roy - Things can get better. It took us YEARS to finally stop butting heads, blaming each and really come together. Sometimes life just seems to take over. And, it will take 2 people who finally come to realize that we are all that we have and to chill and learn to appreciate the good points. It sounds like you are willing but she hasnt' come to that place yet. But, you can only control you. I really suggest that you do counseling and bring in outside opinion because it is hard to be objective and make changes. And it can be 2 steps foward, one step back.
Thanks Snerd, and I agree wholeheartedly. Part of the problem as I see it, is that when we got sober almost 11 yrs ago, I embraced the 12 step program, which is not "just quitting" it's accepting that you are the problem and then working on those issues. Most of us "addicts" suffer low self esteem issues and are very self centered individuals. You learn to identify those issues in your self and become accountable. She quit the drugs/alcohol, but never did the "work" so both low self esteem and self centeredness way heavy on her part, blaming me for everything. Somehow my working a 50-60 hr week, in the studio, paying the bills and doing my part around the house, I'm at fault. She refuses the counseling even though our own daughter points out to her, "Mom, your wrong here" It is what it is and as I've done for 30 yrs, I just side step and do what I have to do. Sometimes it gets the best of me.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 21, 2012 9:56:23 GMT -5
Interesting that low self esteem and self centeredness go together. It would seem the opposite wouldn't it ? That is an interesting observation. I guess i found things really changed for us when i finally decided i was going to take care of myself, embrace what i like and make myself happy. For some reason that really seemed to finally bring DH around in a real way. For several years we would fight because i was so frustrated just trying to get some response. Men tend to retreat and women ramp it up. Then we had periods of just hostile silence. And we did have periods of trying to work on it. But it is very difficult. All you can do is all you can do.
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moxie
Not so new Crapster
SF Shades of Blues
Posts: 205
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Post by moxie on Jan 21, 2012 14:41:31 GMT -5
"She refuses, says it's my fault." Roy, I am pretty sure she didn't mean it is YOUR FAULT...I think she meant to say it is OBAMA'S FAULT. I say that A LOT around here...my Mom does too.
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moxie
Not so new Crapster
SF Shades of Blues
Posts: 205
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Post by moxie on Jan 21, 2012 14:44:14 GMT -5
Ummm...roy...just in case I am ever available, would you be willing to sign a pre-nup? I AM RICH, donchakno?!? ;D he he he he he At least, according to Toshy...
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moxie
Not so new Crapster
SF Shades of Blues
Posts: 205
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Post by moxie on Jan 21, 2012 14:45:19 GMT -5
That hairy bicycle thingy on your chin would have to go though... ;D
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moxie
Not so new Crapster
SF Shades of Blues
Posts: 205
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Post by moxie on Jan 21, 2012 14:53:16 GMT -5
I am just trying to make you laugh, roy...I am not trying to make light of your situation. I just think you should encourage your wife to seek counseling with or without you. It's worth salvaging. IMO Hugs.
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Post by roygrip on Jan 21, 2012 21:41:49 GMT -5
That hairy bicycle thingy on your chin would have to go though... ;D
LMAO! "hairy bicycle thingy" IE handle bar mustache has been exchanged for a very neat trimmed beard. It stays!
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Post by roygrip on Jan 21, 2012 21:44:46 GMT -5
Interesting that low self esteem and self centeredness go together. It would seem the opposite wouldn't it ? That is an interesting observation. I guess i found things really changed for us when i finally decided i was going to take care of myself, embrace what i like and make myself happy. For some reason that really seemed to finally bring DH around in a real way. For several years we would fight because i was so frustrated just trying to get some response. Men tend to retreat and women ramp it up. Then we had periods of just hostile silence. And we did have periods of trying to work on it. But it is very difficult. All you can do is all you can do.
Low self esteem communicates into selfcenterdness in that the alcoholic/addict does the poor me's blaming everyone else for their problems. It's classic and almost universal. We always tell the "newbie" to "get off their pity pot" and take responsibility for their actions.
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Post by roygrip on Jan 21, 2012 21:45:08 GMT -5
REMEMBER!!!! Once your a pickle......... You can NEVER be a cucumber again!
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moxie
Not so new Crapster
SF Shades of Blues
Posts: 205
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Post by moxie on Jan 22, 2012 13:14:02 GMT -5
LMAO! "hairy bicycle thingy" IE handle bar mustache has been exchanged for a very neat trimmed beard. It stays! See...I DID make you laugh!! ;D
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moxie
Not so new Crapster
SF Shades of Blues
Posts: 205
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Post by moxie on Jan 22, 2012 13:16:23 GMT -5
*I STILL say it is all OBAMA'S FAULT!! Speaking of marital issues...Heidi Klum is said to be divorcing Seal!! OMG!! Those two always gush about each other in the press...who woulda thought?!? SHOCKING!!
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moxie
Not so new Crapster
SF Shades of Blues
Posts: 205
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Post by moxie on Jan 22, 2012 13:18:27 GMT -5
"REMEMBER!!!! Once your a pickle......... You can NEVER be a cucumber again!" ^I don't get it... I like BOTH cucumbers AND pickles though...the butter ones, not so much the dill. Jussayin'
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moxie
Not so new Crapster
SF Shades of Blues
Posts: 205
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Post by moxie on Jan 22, 2012 13:19:26 GMT -5
"REMEMBER!!!! Once your a pickle......... You can NEVER be a cucumber again!" ^That is something sechual, right?!?
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moxie
Not so new Crapster
SF Shades of Blues
Posts: 205
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Post by moxie on Jan 22, 2012 13:22:09 GMT -5
I just had to GOOGLE that saying...I have NEVER heard that one...I get it now. Makes sense. Once You're A Pickle, You Can Never Be A Cucumber Again Daily Herald December 7, 1991 "It's predictable. Life is a one-way trip. You can't throw your life into reverse, go back and reverse the past, despite how much you wish you could. You can only experience life in one direction, forward - into the future, whether you take it a minute at a time, or a day at a time. It's reassuring that we face the same challenges or problems again, and again. Although we can't go back and change what we have done (or haven't done), we can plan and prepare ourselves to handle similar situations better the next time. In some ways, life can be seen as a series of forward moving circles. We have the chance to make changes in ourselves, but we can't change what we've already done."
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moxie
Not so new Crapster
SF Shades of Blues
Posts: 205
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Post by moxie on Jan 22, 2012 13:28:53 GMT -5
I think this would be an appropriate time to throw out a little saying of MY OWN: "Once you are a cookie mixed in with a candy bar or ice cream, you can never be looked at as just a cookie again." *Cookies have NO BUSINESS being in candy bars or ice cream! I refuse to eat Cookie Dough ice cream or Kit Kats and Twix...it's just WRONG!! IMO Some things are just better left alone and untouched.
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Post by roygrip on Jan 22, 2012 13:30:11 GMT -5
I just had to GOOGLE that saying...I have NEVER heard that one...I get it now. Makes sense. Once You're A Pickle, You Can Never Be A Cucumber Again Daily Herald December 7, 1991 "It's predictable. Life is a one-way trip. You can't throw your life into reverse, go back and reverse the past, despite how much you wish you could. You can only experience life in one direction, forward - into the future, whether you take it a minute at a time, or a day at a time. It's reassuring that we face the same challenges or problems again, and again. Although we can't go back and change what we have done (or haven't done), we can plan and prepare ourselves to handle similar situations better the next time. In some ways, life can be seen as a series of forward moving circles. We have the chance to make changes in ourselves, but we can't change what we've already done."
;D Yep, and the "one day at a time" the saying has been adopted into AA/NA 12 step speak. You get it......
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Post by roygrip on Jan 22, 2012 13:31:57 GMT -5
On the cookie note, I'm SO HAPPY! Reeses' peanut butter4 cups now come SUGAR FREE!!!!! My diabetic azz is in a coma. Love em!
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moxie
Not so new Crapster
SF Shades of Blues
Posts: 205
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Post by moxie on Jan 22, 2012 13:48:58 GMT -5
"I'm SO HAPPY! Reeses' peanut butter4 cups now come SUGAR FREE!!!!"
^REALLY??? Where can I find them and how do they taste? I have a friend who is diabetic...I want to get him some. roy...I didn't know you were diabetic...recently diagnosed? My friend drinks Captain Morgan and Diet Coke when we go out. LOL Then he shoots insulin into his stomach when he needs to...CRAZY!
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